Outside my comfort zone!

Today was a difficult day for me. I did a lot of online research. A lot of reading, which isn't an issue since I love to read. Setting up different pages and accounts. A lot of passwords. Sheesh, each page has different criteria when creating passwords.

The most difficult thing for me was asking for help. I am the one to call if you need something. When it comes to asking for help for myself, not so much. I am sending messages to people on my FB page, asking them to send the link to their friends. Word of mouth advertising. So I am "tooting" my own horn. Not very good at that! Awkward. Feels really strange. I just hope that people are willing to help me. This is such a major deal in my life. I didn't really realize how important this is to me. It's been a lifetime of work. I want to succeed. In order to do that, I have to learn new things, step outside the box. Now that it's a reality, I find that I want to push to get the word out. For so many years, whenever anyone would say "you need to publish these" my reply would be "who really cares about my life"? But asking my younger nephews and nieces to help me, I realize that maybe I really can help someone. Maybe reading that I felt alone will help someone else realize they are just going through a phase. Maybe when someone reads that there was a time I thought that there wasn't anything to live for, they will realize that they aren't the only ones who want to give up. Is it hard to know that now everyone will know that I felt suicidal at one time? Yes, it's embarrassing, but it's reality. Maybe a young girl will read how I felt when I saw my boyfriend with someone else and she will know that someone else really does know how that feels. Maybe it's really not about me at all, but about life and how it hurts at times. I have been given a gift for feeling something and sitting down and writing it out, most times not even thinking, just writing what runs through my head.

So I am half way through my friend list. If you didn't receive a message from me asking for help, you will get one. I just looked at the clock and realized what time it is and I think maybe I will try and get some sleep.